sick sick sick of this.

I first self harmed when i was in year 6 so i would have been about 11 years old, i continued to do it until May 4th of 2008 this was my brothers 17th birthday and the day it all came out. I stopped for a little after this but a few months later i was back doing it. Then i stopped and went back over and over, and then i found john, and he helped a lot. he kept me “clean” for a whole year, which is the longest i can ever remember where i didn’t haven’t done it. I’m proud of myself for that, but now johns gone, and i don’t know who will save me next time i feel like im gonna  slip up. 

I remember my first cut, it was the day i snapped and found a release, i was being bullied, really badly, and i couldn’t act out, i didn’t know what to do, and i didn’t feel as though anyone was helping. And for some reason i don’t know why i thought it would take my mind off the mental pain if i had to concentrate on physical.It worked so i did it more and more every day. i guess i never seemed to fit in anywhere, and i always felt like a bit of a black sheep in my family due to issues within the family, and because of that, i just didn’t know what to do. 

for me it wasn’t about attention.

if anything i just wanted to be left alone. 

050509-x3:

This should be fun…..

(via saveyourownheart)

All the time people will read stories about abusive relationships and all the time they will say (unless they have been in the situation themselves) why doesn’t the person just leave, if their partner is causing them so much mental and/or physical harm, why don’t they just leave. But to be honest, knowing what i know, and having talked to people that have been in the same situations, it’s not as easy as that. You love them, and they break you down, but because you love them, you stay in the hope that things will change and be the way they used to be. Apologies are made, and promises too, but 90% of abusive relationships will stay the same, they wont change, not because the people may not want them to. But because they simply cant change. 

The weird thing is that the person giving the abuse, they may sometimes feel like they are also being used and because of this the cycle wont end, because they also feel trapped things cant change. 

The abused, becomes worn down, they spend their time trying to please the other person and doing as much as they can, they become obsessed with keeping that person and keeping them happy, and this obsession can be dangerous, they try so hard to bring everything back to normal, that it can often make things worse. 

Love is a funny thing, and it makes people do crazy things. 

You need to stop the cycle. 

i can see you staring at me whilst you’re “asleep”

when it all gets a bit shit, you should just smoke a few fags have a few drinks and get over it :)

and if you don’t smoke or drink, well good luck to ya pal!

hornybro:

Who Ever Made This.
YOU’RE A GENIUS

FOREVER REBLOG.

WOW like 300,000 notes :O

(Source: nena-nguyen, via lamore-e-morto)

Snuffy r krum.